Calhoun Delmore

Template:Infobox person Calhoun Delmore is an assistant to the Paradeisos Champion, currently Cyrus Wresch. He is described as "Mormon" in appearance and attitude. Calhoun appears to have a severe memory problem. He also claims to enjoy rock climbing in caves. He is often seen with a lantern.

Powers and Abilities

I've come to make an announcement: Calhoun Delmore is a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his Mormon-fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "THIS BIG," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Calhoun Delmore, you've got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like.

[Explosion sounds] That's right, baby. All points, no quills, no pillows — look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!

You have twenty-three hours before the piss D R O P L E T S hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Fun Facts

• Favorite pizza flavor: pineapple and anchovy
• Favorite Lord Wars 13 character: none, plays all in order

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References